Sunday, September 13, 2009

Disorientation Part Duex

Sally had been late to arrive so I (and everyone else) watched her decline the cookies and have her picture taken. While watching this, I was struggling to decide whether or not I found her attractive. Even though she had just introduced herself to me in very close quarters, I had no idea. She was sitting quite awkwardly in her chair and wasted no time in explaining why.

"who gets a tattoo done the day before school? It's awesome you should see it!"

Before I could respond Steve piped up from beside me.

"ohhh! I was wondering why you were sitting like that, I thought Ryley smelled bad or something"

Steve: 1 / Ryley: 0

Honestly, Steve is a dickhead but he kinda saved me from ruining my first impression when he embarrassed himself with that weak ass joke. I don't have a clue what I would have said in response to Sally. So instead of actually responding to her I cracked a joke about my axe deodorant and how the commercial told me that girls would love it. Yes, I actually wear axe deodorant and the worst part is that I might wear it based on the commercials (i know). And in case you were wondering, the joke bombed miserably.

We proceeded to ask each other questions from our icebreaker handout and then went our separate ways to meet the rest of our classmates. The majority of answers I heard to the majority of questions that were asked somehow involved alcohol or getting drunk. Everyone was on a mission to say something clever when asked one of these questions but everyone (myself included) was coming up with the same unoriginal shit. I had just finished explaining Vince Carters missed jumpshot against the sixers in 2001 to a very uninterested classmate when I noticed that one of the better looking girls from my class was in my vicinity. I cut my 'Vince Carter is an asshole' rant short and went over to "break the ice". We introduced ourselves (we'll call her Anna) and moved quickly into the handout questions, I went first.

"So Anna, What's your favourite thing to do in your hometown?"

She giggled and followed with one word...


Now, from a literal standpoint this doesn't really make sense. I mean you don't 'do sex' in your hometown. From where I was standing though, I really didn't give a shit. Now I like to think of myself as someone who excels in these types of situations but i had nothing. I told her that she made me blush and stumbled while saying something about her being my favourite interview so far. I almost walked away before I realized I didn't let her ask me one of the icebreaker questions. She asked me something about managing my time now that I'm in school and I responded like so:

"I don't know, I just got here. I'm not good at this. Anna you seem to be good at this, what am I supposed to say here?"

"ummm....faster sex? So you have more time for other stuff?"

"yeah sure, put that down. But if they ask you to share any of your answers just tell everyone I said I'd buy a calender"

That was my first and only interaction with Anna and somehow I can't really remember what she looks like, only that she looked good. It's like the word "sex" had the same effect on me as that dumb thing from the movie Men In Black.

The rest of my day consisted of a tour of the school that was very long followed by a free lunch. At lunch time I sat with 5 of my classmates and everyone basically just tried to prove their worth as a TV student. I was relatively quiet while my new friends discussed the impact that 'Star Wars' had on the film industry. The most unfortunate thing about this lunch experience was that I could hardly even pay attention to what was going on because this loudmouth (we'll call him LD) at my table could not help but attempt to be funny in approximately 15 second intervals. The worst part was that he was wearing these ridiculous sunglasses and every attempt at a joke felt like the intro to an episode of 'CSI Miami' only much worse and with no attention grabbing murder-mystery to ponder.

"Hey Salley, good thing you sat sausage party"

*This is the part where that track by 'The Who' starts playing*

Finally I told everyone it was nice to have briefly met them and that I'd see them on Monday. I'd hoped that Monday would have more Anna and less Horation Caine...I could only hope.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Vince Carter is an asshole...except i do own his book. I think its called "Vinceamania" or something.